Banned From Argo, by Leslie Fish

Torchwood are Banned From Argo.

Yes, I know I posted it before, but hell this makes me smile so much!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eu4mFV3TxTo&feature=related

When we pulled into Argo Port in need of R & R
The crew set out investigating every joint and bar
We had high expectations of their hospitality
But found too late it wasn't geared for spacers such as we

And we're banned from Argo every one
Banned from Argo just for having a little fun
We spent a jolly shoreleave there for just three days or four
But Argo doesn't want us anymore

Our captain's tastes were simple but his methods were complex
We found him with five partners each of a different world and sex
The shorepolice were on the way -- we had no second chance
We beamed him up in the nick of time in the remnants of his pants

And we're banned from Argo every one
Banned from Argo just for having a little fun
We spent a jolly shoreleave there for just three days or four
But Argo doesn't want us anymore

Our engineer would yield to none in putting down the brew
He outdrank seven space marines and a demolition crew
The navigator didn't win but he outdrank almost all
And now they've got a shuttlecraft on the roof of city hall

And we're banned from Argo every one
Banned from Argo just for having a little fun
We spent a jolly shoreleave there for just three days or four
But Argo doesn't want us anymore

Our proper cool first officer was drugged with something green
And hauled into an alley where he suffered things obscene
He sobered up in sickbay and he's none the worse for wear
Except he somehow taught the bridge computer how to swear

And we're banned from Argo every one
Banned from Argo just for having a little fun
We spent a jolly shoreleave there for just three days or four
But Argo doesn't want us anymore

The head nurse disappeared a while in the major dope bazaar
Buying an odd green potion guaranteed to cause pon farr
She came home with no uniform and an oddly cheerful heart
And a painful way of walking with her feet a yard apart

And we're banned from Argo every one
Banned from Argo just for having a little fun
We spent a jolly shoreleave there for just three days or four
But Argo doesn't want us anymore